An open letter to the girl, who find love

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               “I am on my smoking session every day, until I met you and everything has change; every little things.”

The cold air breeze in the morning seems the cause of my disease every time my alarm clock rings and my nightmares over. I hate early breakfast, hate jogging and exercise or whatever do you call that, hate dwelling with sunlight and really hate walking down under the trees with falling leaves and falling under.  Yes, I hate those and really hate having immersion on places where in even a cup of tea’s not available and signals for my keypad cell phone’s none, and hate traveling to paradise. I really don’t know but I love seeing couples holding hands while walking, couple having a fancy dinner on a classic restaurant, I love partying all night with my friends all night. Take note, I love eating junk foods at parks and lazy to throw garbage at trash bins or trash cans, but when I do such I throw them wherever cans I want. I love sleeping on my air-conditioned room even though it’s cold and, and I really love seeing crying trees and with leaves falling.  I’m desperate of finding people and hunger of their love and affection.

                That was me; I mean that’s the summary of me, when someone came. Someone that’s give me courage to think logically that I’m not really human for my doings and considered those as immoral. I really don’t care, this someone is more than willing to persuade me make me believe for all the things that coming from her.  I don’t care because she’s nothing to do with my life and I’m nothing to do with her. I have my decisions in life so why consider her, her own ideology on life. I have mine and I need to seize the moment and enjoy life.  But she’s stubborn and mad, she gave me lessons that maybe you will never ever forgot, believe me. She gave me cancer, a lung cancer for my 2 packs smoking session everyday and for my polluted surroundings. She never leaves me and makes me feel that I’m important and lovable. I’ll thought I’ll cannot see sunrise and birds tweeting those times, I really thought I’ll die that fucking time. But, I’m not because I’m writing this now, for you to realize that having a cancer is such a terrible thing, and a miserable thing I tell you.  She’s too kind for such and gave me chances, for the second time around I accept all those lessons.

You know what humans do, right? And consider that as a compliment and be flattered because I wasn’t able to grasp that when I was still young. She gave me learnings and I realized everything I’ve done. I quit smoking and quit partying all night. I find myself and fall in love to it, it’s too precious for me and for her to be miserable at best. I loathed myself and pitied, but I survived and that’s the best part of it. Maybe you’ll find it incest but, but I fall and really fall too hard with our Mom. She finds me and I find her, and I fell in love with her or maybe not, I’m still falling in love with her every day.  She mattered to me so much and I’m mattered to her too. I love her that I really don’t want to lose her, and I’ll do anything for her to make her happy and alive, but she’s the one who makes me feel glee, every time.

I love my Mom, so much and love her too.

Love,

A girl who find love

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