To the people I pushed away

Being on this stage makes you go crazy, insane, and the likes. Having this kind of thinking made everyone left me,and stabbed in front and back.

I always say to myself that being alone at times, makes me at stake and comfortable. When I have problems, sometimes I forget the world, I forget that others exist too. I forget the people who are concern and close to me,  so I pushed them away and make a hard time crying with my pillows,and myself. I pushed them away, I take them as stranger even though they genuinely care for me, and only wanted the best of me. But how can I be the best, how can I be best, if I always doubt myself, if I always doubt the care they are always showing in time of happiness and sadness. I was traumatized trusting people , so even the true ones,slips and gone just like the dawn and sunset, all at one. I have no rights to question, scolded, or even hate them, because that’s what I want, and I think that what it seems to.But at the back of  my mind, is that really what I wanted, what I want, to let them go and left me in the four corners of the room all by myself? Is that really what I wanted, or maybe I was fooling myself, dreaming that fairy tales do happen, that movies is real, that love story is real, and that a happy ending is real?

We all want happy endings, but at times, you don’t always need a happy one. Once in your lifetime you need a hard and tough story to make your life a colorful and as happy it could be. In my situation, there are a lot of people I trapped on my door and not letting them in and not even let them step on the rugs. Some of them are people who used to be closed to me, know every detail of my story but still, I pushed them away. It’s just like, every time people talk to me, open my story with them, shared every little things to them and they do the same as well, it’s just like it’s a coincidence that after that they will vanished and gone forever. At first, I’m thinking that maybe he’s not destined to be part of my story, and list of the people goes on. Meet them, talk to them, share moments with them even memories, good memories with  them,and then after I find myself thinking about them everyday. And after all of things we had, the things we did, the stories we shared about, in an instance, they will gone that fast, like cheetahs running for food. It opened my eyes to the reality that no one last forever. No one will stay on your side forever, remember that even our parents have limits too, and ourselves also. So to the people I let go,pushed, and slipped away, thanks for all the learning you gave and the memories we shared, it helps me a lot. It helps me to realized things beyond my imagination, even my hallucination. Thank you for being a contributor and character of my story.